*Note: this article was originally published on April 1st, 2025, as an April Fools joke.

Greetings adventurers, Game Masters, and fearless explorers of The Forge!

For years, we've been dedicated to providing the best possible user experience. But today, we’ve outdone ourselves. We’ve taken things to the next level… And maybe even a step beyond!

Our team of scientists, engineers, goblins, and at least one ancient lich has been hard at work, developing new, cutting-edge features designed to push TTRPG immersion to new and potentially life-altering levels.

With that in mind, we proudly introduce our latest huge updates below.

Customer Support is Now Run by Actual Goblins

In our infinite wisdom, we're replacing our support staff with actual goblins.

What This Means for You:

• Response times now vary between 1d4 hours and 1d12 weeks!
• Every ticket includes a 30% chance that the goblin will simply steal your dice and run away.
• Tickets are now written exclusively in Goblinese. Good luck!

Bonus: Goblin Premium Support!

For just $5.99/month, you can request your ticket be handled by Boss Goblin, who promises a 75% chance of an actual answer and only a 15% chance of your request being replaced with a riddle.

⚠️Warning: Bribing the goblin staff may or may not result in them demanding “shinies” instead of solving your issue.

Introducing: “Premium Fog of War” (Now With Real Fog!)

Ever thought "Wow, my virtual tabletop immersion is great, but I really wish my entire house was covered in impenetrable mist so I can’t find my dice, snacks, or my own furniture!"?

Wish no more!

For only $9.99/month, our Premium Fog of War service will dispatch a professional fog machine operator to your home. Using state-of-the-art fog deployment technology (i.e., a guy with a smoke machine), we will ensure your real-life environment matches the uncertainty and terror of your game world.

What You Can Expect:

• Instant, inescapable mist. Say 'Goodbye' to clarity, visibility, and knowing where your pets are.
• More immersive battles. Now, when the GM says, “You can’t see beyond 10 feet,” they really mean it.
• Stealth checks have never felt more real. You don’t need a disadvantage on perception - you actually won’t see a thing.

⚠️Warning: May cause confusion, screaming, and occasional missing pets.

*Disclaimer
The Forge is not responsible for:
❌Stubbed toes on unseen furniture
❌Players mysteriously disappearing in mid-session
❌Your cat evolving into a fog elemental

New Feature: The “TTRPG Stress Meter”

Do you ever feel like your GM is not making things difficult enough for you? No? Well, TOO BAD!

Starting today, The Forge will actively monitor your blood pressure, heart rate, and sweat levels using patented "Oh No™ Technology", to dynamically adjust your game’s difficulty! So, if you start getting too stressed, the game will spawn MORE enemies to keep things spicy.

How It Works:

• Feeling a little anxious? Here, have some extra random encounters!
• Panicking? Enjoy a surprise TPK!
• Completely calm? Sounds like a great time for an unavoidable plot twist!

*Disclaimer
The Forge is not responsible for table flips, emotional breakdowns, or players rage-quitting mid-session.

Forge Pro Exclusive: “The Dice Fortune Teller”

Wondering what fate has in store for you? Our new algorithm will analyze your past dice rolls to predict your real-life future!

Example Predictions:

• Three Nat 1s in a row? Expect mild existential dread soon.
• High initiative rolls? Important news is coming your way!
• Rolled a Nat 20 on deception? Someone definitely owes you an apology IRL.

Want deeper insights?
Upgrade to our Oracle Plan for only $19.99/month! We will send a mysterious, robed figure to whisper cryptic prophecies at you in public places.

*Disclaimer
The Forge is not responsible for:
❌Sudden paranoia
❌Unexplained visions
❌The summoning of dark forces beyond mortal comprehension

And last but not least...

The Forge Releases “Ultra-Immersion” VR Mode

Tired of just "pretending" to be your character? Introducing The Forge VR update, where you’ll experience TTRPGs like never before!

Feature Includes:

• Your GM physically appears in your living room to yell at you. No escape!
• A 200 lb weighted suit to simulate heavy armor. Forget "encumbrance rules" -  you will physically feel them.
• If your character dies, the headset won’t turn off until you finish a 3-hour side quest IRL.

Coming soon:

VR Dungeon Mode! Your entire house transforms into a dungeon crawl, complete with actual traps. Don't worry - most of them are non-lethal!

*Disclaimer
The Forge is not responsible for:
❌Unscheduled GM invasions
❌Accidental medieval training montages
❌Players refuse to take off the VR headset and now believe they are their characters

So… What do you think?

We believe these groundbreaking features will change TTRPGs forever, or at least make your party seriously reconsider their gaming setup.

• Will you embrace the chaos of Premium Fog of War?
• Will you dare to seek help from our goblin support team?
• Will you emerge victorious (and hydrated) from VR Mode?

Either way, remember - adventure is best when shared, laughter is mandatory, and today... Well, today is April 1st.😉